Care for yourself, than others

A discussion of topics about relationships in Recovery
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Sobermel
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Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2015 7:15 am
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Care for yourself, than others

Post by Sobermel » Mon Nov 02, 2015 2:14 am

Hi peeps,

pfff I am just one week out of treatment and the #### is starting again. I met a guy in treatment and they warned me about a relationship (because I am also a love addict) that I would loose myself again. I decided to not listen to other peoples advice ( old behavior) and after we had sex the #### started in my head, I have to know what he was doing every moment, only could think of sex all day. So I told him and he had a relapse before and he said that that he isnt clean for me but for himself. I said that I have to take care of myself first, not that I dont care about him, but its just a toxic thing in my head that makes me crazy and eventually takes me back at using and drinking again. He was very disappointed but okay with it, he understands. That evening he used, send me lots of messages. I decided to block him and go on with my life, my wise lesson: Love yourself first, than others.


Dallas
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Re: Care for yourself, than others

Post by Dallas » Mon Nov 02, 2015 9:09 am

Hey, SoberMel, good to hear from you!
Thanks for sharing what's going on for you.
Yep. I understand. I haven't been new out of treatment before, but I have been new to sobriety before.

Your sharing helps to remind me that I don't want to have to be new, again.
My being new was very painful for me, love or no love and relationship or no relationship.
My emotions while newly sober were a tough cookie to chew on.
And, I'd have to say, I'm still a bit over sensitive.

Feelings.
They can sure suck -- but, at the same time, without them, Life would really suck
because then, we'd miss out on knowing what it feels like to feel good.

The #1 weakest link in my sobriety, is my emotions.
If my emotions get out of control -- my mind gets out of control
and, the next thing would be my drinking or using out of control.

So, I think you're doing the right thing with making a decision that you and your feelings have to come first.

It took me a long time to start caring for myself to the point that I was taking care of myself.

Hang in there. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. And, don't let making mistakes bring you down.
If we're not making mistakes -- we're not living.
We're living -- so, we're always going to be making mistakes.
And, if we weren't making mistakes -- we wouldn't be learning to live. ;-)

I think you also got the right idea that you've got to love yourself
BEFORE you allow yourself to start loving on someone else.

And, don't fall into a rut thinking you had something to do with someone else relapsing.
You have no control over what they do. And, at this stage of sobriety, very little control
over what you do.

Forgive yourself. Care for yourself. Love yourself. Live, love, learn, laugh and carry on!

I'm here for you and we're here for you.

Dallas

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