"firing" your Sponsor

A discussion of topics about relationships in Recovery
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Post by Valkyrie » Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:51 am

Pray about it.

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Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:54 am

Post by aamariseb » Fri Jan 13, 2012 1:22 am

Sometimes if I am unable to contact my sponsor, I am forced to rely on my higher power and start making my own decisions.

Generally I make an appt with my sponsor if I have relevant issues, this teaches me boundaries and commitment to my sobriety. She too was a busy lady, sometimes I felt unloved, lonely and then again self centred. And thats ok too. But dont sit there too long.

Sometimes I attend one meeting a week with my sponsor, she can generally determine how I am through my sharing or we catch up at that meeting.

The above applied during the early days in sobriety. As a sponsor, sometimes I am really mentally unwell but I let my sponsee know I am unwell.

Ask god for help, pray about it. Well done for your honestly.

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Re: "firing" your Sponsor

Post by Toast » Fri Apr 20, 2012 3:46 pm

Very,very important topic.

The people pleaser in me wouldn't let me part company with my 1st sponsor. He was a really nice guy and talk a lot of sense about stuff like philosophy and things like that but i was screaming out for recovery via the AA programme and he just didn't have it. Although it took me a few years to finally figure that out i still didnt want to let him down by moving onto someone else, even though my life was still on a knife edge, nuts or what?

When i kept asking him about going through the steps he just avoided the issue.

I know realise he was just lonely and enjoyed taking newcomers on board to fill his life a little and improve his AA credentials amongst his like-minded friends. No harm in that i suppose but my alcoholism was killing me without drinking and i really needed more than he could offer. It was like asking for a dollars worth of soberiety from a guy who only had 50 cents.

Here we call people like that ' 1st Step Sponsors'. Good at taking you to plenty meetings and telling you all about the 1st drink but sooner or later we're going to have to move on from that and that means finding someone who has really ' walked the recovery walk' and not someone who has a great AA resume listing all the intergroup jobs they've done but not gone through the AA programme as prescribed. I also think its very important to find a sponsor who is living a life you would aspire too. If you pick a grumpy old grouch then its more than likely he'll be the only new person you have in your sober life because his grumpy nature will chase everyone else away!

My next sponsor was the exact opposite, a good man but a fire and brimstone big book preacher who had some positively medieval ideas about god and women. Eventually he had to go as well, well it was either him or my wife!

The sponsor I’ve had for the last ten years is 2 years younger than me, he came into AA 2 years after me but when I’m in his family home and see how he operates with his wife and kids he has what i wanted from life all along.


PS. A good test of a good sponsor is to mention my 2 previous sponsors names in front of my wife, she's starts spitting blood about the insane years i wasted in AA waiting on them showing me the way!

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Re: "firing" your Sponsor

Post by Toast » Sat Apr 21, 2012 12:17 pm

Thanks Keith,

Glad to see your getting over your recent trials.

Sometimes i think we alcoholics just lack the courage to break old habits.

Its been said that ' once you become a creature of habit you cease to exist.'

I've found that to be oh so true in my past life.

Be well

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Re: "firing" your Sponsor

Post by Dallas » Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:47 am

Thanks for sharing guys. Each time you share -- I learn something new and I'm reminded of something I already knew, but hadn't remembered. I appreciate you.

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Re: "firing" your Sponsor

Post by Toast » Tue Sep 11, 2012 5:49 pm


Today I think some people fire there sponsor for all the wrong reasons. Either when the work gets too hard or the changes they face are just to frightening to contemplate. Many alcoholics just don't want to move out their comfort zone no matter how limited it is. They all want to talk the talk without having to walk the walk. My sponsor says all alcoholics want to be taken care of, and when they finally get this they will never be fully responsible for themselves again. To them its the easier softer way or no way at all.

I know this to be true because i've been there. I've had sponsors make suggestions to me to change my ways because they've seen trouble up ahead. But i was enjoying the rest or the limelight so much i just ignored them, and sure enough trouble came i was left with a huge bunch of regrets for not acting sooner!

Other times i just did not have the energy to put in the required action suggested by my sponsor. Being a workaholic i gave everything to my job because at that time in my life my job was who i was. The job gave me the BMW, the title and the salary that paid for the nice caribbean cruises. I gave so much of myself away to gain material things and reverse my low self esteem i'd left nothing in the tank for my real sick alcoholic self. There was just nothing left of me to work with, it was all gone on building an image of what i thought a real man should be. My tough but generous boss was my god and i revelled in his compliments. I was so far up my own ass i just paid lip service to AA and everyone in it. I'd come into AA with nothing and now in my sick head i had it all and i got there all by myself, or so i thought?

Eventually the trouble my sponsor predicted came and i was found sorely lacking in the resources needed to overcome or prevent it.

So today i enjoy a much quieter life and i'm so glad i'm out of that rat race, even if you win it, your still a rat!

God Bless

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